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  "I love cheerleading. I never thought I would say that, but I do and somehow the fact that I've only loved it for a few weeks doesn't seem to matter to me, I still love it. I love it so much that I can't help but hate anyone who tries to stop me from continuing to cheer."

  I suddenly had to bite back a laugh and I wasn't surprised that there was an edge of hysteria to it.

  "It sounds pretty crazy to quit when I say that, but I was happy before cheerleading and I don't think Cindi knows how to be happy if she's not cheering. As much as I want to stay on the team, I can't if it means that Cindi is going to be unhappy. If I quit now then she won't have as much reason to resent me."

  "Even with you out of the picture, it won't change anything as far as Missy and Cindi's punishments are concerned."

  "I know, and I think that's probably for the best anyways. Missy is off of the team and Cindi will be suspended until she can get her grades back up, but you did say her punishment was only a suspension. She wants to be back on the team badly enough that I know she'll have her grades back where they are supposed to be in no time flat. Maybe then she can forgive me for everything that's happened."

  "Will you be able to forgive her? There's a chance that this is just going to cause you to resent her and hate her more. Giving up something we want is never easy, Adri."

  I nodded. "I know. It's a risk, but it's one I'm willing to run. I think the fact that it's my choice will make it a little easier than it would have been if they'd forced me to quit."

  The tears that had been gathering a few seconds before chose that moment to break free and start coursing down my face. I tried to wipe them away without ruining the little bit of makeup that I was wearing, but I was pretty sure I failed. Miss Winters looked like she was on the point of tears too though so maybe it didn't matter that I was acting like a big baby.

  "I can't stop you, Adri. Part of me really wishes that I could because I'm not so sure that Cindi is worthy of what you're doing for her, but I can't stop you. You're a good person and a great sister."

  "Thanks, Miss Winters. I wish I could help out somehow. This is going to leave you three people short and regionals aren't that far away."

  "It's okay, Winning regionals would be nice, but there are more important things in life than putting another trophy in the school's display case. I wish I could tell you that you'll always have a spot on my team if you change your mind, but that wouldn't be fair to whoever replaces you."

  "I know. It's a nice gesture, but no matter what else happens I won't be coming back."

  "Never say never, Adri, you might be surprised where your path takes you. For now, let's just say that if you change your mind I'll make you the first alternate on the squad so you'll have a place if anything happens to one of the other girls."

  "Thanks, Miss Winters. Do you need me to help with the half-time performance? I guess it probably doesn't matter if I do one more routine…"

  "No, if you're set on quitting the team then let's not prolong the agony. We'll make do without you."

  She started to turn back to the other girls and then stopped and gave me a quick hug, which just made me want to cry even more, but I managed to keep it all inside. It was just cheerleading, it wasn't like someone was dying, but now that most of the shock was gone I felt like a part of my life, a part that I'd enjoyed and been good at, was dying.

  I stood there for nearly a minute, forlornly watching Miss Winters explain to the rest of the team that I was quitting. I got a wide variety of looks from different girls, everything from sadness on the part of Sheree to a mixture of disbelief and satisfaction from most of the others. It was the looks of satisfaction that finally snapped me out of my funk enough to walk past them so I could get my things.

  I walked away from the football field without looking back even though I didn't have any idea where I was going to go. I wandered for a couple of minutes before eventually finding myself inside the school and only a few steps from the girls' locker room.

  It didn't feel right to still be wearing my uniform now that I wasn't part of the squad, so I went in for just long enough to change back into the shorts and shirt that I'd worn to school earlier in the day. Once I'd changed I just sat there on the hard, narrow bench that ran down the center of the aisle between the rows of lockers.

  Both shells and the damaged skirt were in my duffle bag, but I laid my white skirt out across my lap and smoothed the material out flat against my legs. I knew I was going to miss being a cheerleader, but actually having taken the uniform off for the last time choked me up more than I expected it to. I probably would have stayed there for hours, but some atypical sliver of practicality finally worked its way to the forefront of my mind.

  If I stayed too long then I'd definitely run into the cheerleaders from the other team and possibly even the girls from our school too. Besides, I needed to get back to the football field and see if I could find someone to give me a ride home. It was a long shot considering how much the rest of the school hated me, but I honestly wasn't sure what else to do. Now that I wasn't on the team it was possible that I wouldn't be able to get a ride home on the bus. Miss Winters probably wouldn't leave me stranded, but there wasn't any guarantee of that fact.

  Either way, I didn't want to spend one moment longer than I had to with the rest of the squad and given that my mom and dad were still camping in the middle of nowhere for another day or two, it wasn't like I could just call them to come pick me up.

  As I stood to go I thought that I heard someone else in the locker room, but when I called out nobody responded. I was pretty sure it had just been my mind playing tricks on me, but that didn't stop me from leaving at as fast a walk as I could manage. I'd had plenty of evidence that there were monsters out there and I wasn't eager to meet one in real life. Besides, given how much Missy probably hated me right now she was pretty high up there on the list of threats that I needed to avoid at all cost.

  I made it back to the visitors' bleachers without running into Cindi, Missy, or anyone else who wanted to rip my arms off, and my heart started to sink at just how few people were there from our school. It was darkly funny that a crowd that had seemed huge when I'd considered performing in front of it was disappointingly small when it represented my only chance at making it home.

  I started at the bottom row of people and worked my way from one side to the other, but not surprisingly most of the people who'd driven an hour and a half to come to the game were the popular kids who hung out with the cheerleaders or the football players. There were a few grownups here and there who weren't sitting with anyone my age, but I wasn't particularly excited at the prospect of hitching a ride home with random people I didn't know.

  It took less than three minutes to realize that there wasn't anyone I both knew and trusted who was likely to help me out. I was nearly ready to despair when I remembered that Sheree's parents sometimes came to the games to watch her perform. It was a slim chance, but it was the best I'd been able to come up with, so I made my way to the very top of the bleachers, so that I'd have the best possible view of both the crowd below me and the cheerleaders off to the side, and sat down.

  The junior varsity game had apparently finished up while I was in the locker room, which was odd considering that I hadn't thought I was in there for very long, but I wasn't going to complain. Anything which brought this night to a close sooner rather than later was okay in my book.

  Jackson found me a few minutes before the first half concluded. "Hi, Adri. Do you mind if I sit here with you?"

  "Wait, aren't you supposed to be down cheering?"

  "Is that a no?"

  I felt myself blushing, which was just as embarrassing as always, but also somehow a relief. It was nice to know that I was still capable of feeling something other than anger or sadness. Given just how often I'd been embarrassed lately it was almost like being back to normal.

  "No, you can sit here. I guess I'm just surprised."

  He smiled and sat down next to me
. "We're down to just one flyer, which means that we only need a third as many spotters as normal. Miss Winters is using a couple of the other guys to try and fill in the formations for some of the easier stuff, but mostly us guys don't know any of the routines beyond just spotting."

  "Oh, I guess that makes sense. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it so that you couldn't help out tonight."

  "Don't worry about that. Honestly it's going to be nice to be able to just sit here and watch a game without any distractions. That's half the reason I tried out for the squad, you know, just so I had a reason to come to the games."

  "Because of your mom? She sounds crazy strict."

  "Yeah, that's probably one of the bigger understatements ever made. Your parents seem pretty cool though."

  "Right, they are the coolest for the twenty minutes every day when they aren't yelling at each other."

  "Ouch, you did mention problems at home. I figured it was just friction between you and Cindi now that you were both on the team."

  I sighed. "Was it that obvious to everyone? Was I the only person who didn't realize just how pissed she was at me?"

  "No, probably not. I kind of have an advantage over most people, what with hanging around cheerleaders most of the day and all. They talk a lot when you aren't around and it's been more and more obvious that Cindi isn't liking you being on the team as much as she expected to."

  "It sucks. The only reason that I even joined the team in the first place was to spend more time with Cindi. I thought maybe it would help us be closer, but instead it's pretty much ruined things between us."

  Jackson patted my knee. "Don't worry about it. Things seem like they are irreparable right now but they'll work out."

  "What if they don't?"

  "You didn't mean for things to go bad, and you've done everything you can to make them better. Cindi will eventually see that and forgive you."

  "I don't know, she can be pretty stubborn. What if she doesn't ever get past it?"

  "Then she's not worth the worry. I know you care about her, but that only goes so far. If she can't do her part then there's no way for things to work out, and killing yourself trying to make up for her lack of interest is just a good way to get screwed over."

  "Wow, that's pretty profound. When did you get so insightful?"

  "It's all that time hanging out with you cheerleaders."

  I rolled my eyes at him. It was a pretty lame joke, but it had brought a smile to my face, which bought him a lot of points. It was irrefutable proof that I really hadn't lost the ability to feel good. It was also the perfect segue into telling him that I didn't care that he wasn't interested in me. Normally I never could have done that, but knowing that Alec was out there waiting for me made it a lot easier, and I really did want to try to keep Jackson as a friend for as long as I could.

  "Right. About all of that time spent hanging out with cheerleaders, it seems like it's really one cheerleader in particular…"

  He went stiff, but I held my hand up in an effort to placate him. "It's no big deal, really. That's the only reason that I'm bringing it up. I didn't want you to think that I was jealous or anything. You have been a good friend to me, and you helped me out a lot, especially when I first made the squad."

  "I got the impression a few days ago that you really didn't like the fact that I was spending so much time with Wendy."

  My face started heating up, but it was too late to back out of the conversation gracefully.

  "I didn't—not at first—because I thought for a while there that you were interested in me, but I'd rather us continue to be friends and not drive you away because you think I'm crazy jealous of the fact that you want to date Missy's best friend."

  Jackson pursed his lips and then sighed. "You probably don't even realize that what you said is exactly what a girl who isn't really over the idea of dating a boy would say, do you?"

  "Okay, I didn't think of it in those terms. I do actually know that girls do that, I watch TV after all, but I just didn't look at things that way because all I was thinking about was the fact that I want to continue to be your friend. Besides, that's not the kind of behavior you'd expect out of a cheerleader anyways."

  "I'll give you that. Alpha females like Missy would never do something like that. They'd expect the guy to come to chase them, even if they had to manipulate him into doing it in the first place. But you're hardly an alpha female, Adri. Don't get me wrong, you're hot enough to be one, but you just don't think the same way that Missy and the others do. Heck, even Cindi doesn't think like that and she's been moving in those circles for years longer than you have."

  "Fine, you're right, I'm not that kind of girl, but I really wasn't trying to keep you as an option for later. You've proved your point and you get extra kudos for comparing Missy to a dog in your argument."

  That earned me a chuckle. "Okay, so maybe that wasn't the most diplomatic way to explain things, but it's true. You should try thinking about it that way sometime. Humans really aren't that different from a pack of wolves. Everyone likes to think otherwise, and it's true that some of the rough edges have been worn away by a few thousand years of civilization, but the fundamental drives and urges are all the same. That's why high school sucks so bad. Society tells us all that everyone is equal, but we're not, and telling a bunch of kids they are just confuses things while the pecking order is sorted out."

  "Riveting. You must be a real hit at parties. So are we cool now?"

  It was more sarcastic than was typical for me, which probably didn't help my case when it came to convincing him that everything was fine.

  "I don't know, Adri, are we? You didn't really ever provide any kind of convincing proof that my suspicions are wrong."

  "Fine. The truth is that I met someone else."

  The words just kind of came out of my mouth without me having consciously decided to say them and I immediately wished I could take them back.

  "That's exactly the kind of thing you'd say if I was right, Adri."

  Now I was starting to get mad and given how much residual anger I still had floating around inside of my head from earlier, that was a dangerous thing.

  "What do you want me to say, Jackson? Every valid reason for a girl to lose interest in a boy has been pulled out and polished up by some desperate girl at some point, so no matter what I tell you there's still going to be that niggling little suspicion that it's just a lie to throw you off the scent."

  Apparently more of my anger leaked through into my voice than I'd realized, because Jackson leaned away from me and put his hands up in mock surrender.

  "I'm sorry if I'm being too brutal, Adri, it's just that I've been in this exact situation a few times before and it never ends well. You have to understand that there haven't been any rumors or anything to back up what you just told me. Cindi has been pretty pissed that you're hitting on Tristan, only you're not, but the fact that she thinks you're available enough to chase Tristan is a pretty good indication that you don't have some other guy you're chasing. You don't have a car of your own, so it's not like you're driving somewhere without her realizing it."

  "And everyone in school would start talking as soon as I hung out with anyone there."

  "Right, and I'm with you at all of our practices and games, so it's not like you're seeing someone on the down-low there either."

  "You're right, there's absolutely no reason for you or anyone else to believe me."

  "But you're sticking to your guns, it's the truth? There really is some guy that you've got your eye on?"

  "Yeah, there is."

  "So where does he live, what is his name?"

  I opened my mouth to answer him, to at least give him Alec's name, but I suddenly remembered just how much work I'd gone to in order to remain anonymous in the dream. Alec hadn't said anything before we'd been interrupted, but I was pretty sure that he didn't want to be publically tied to all of the crazy supernatural stuff that was trying to seep into my life.

  "I…I don't
actually know where he's from, and I'm not sure that he'd be very happy if I told people his name."

  Jackson's expression had taken on a hard edge. "So what am I supposed to believe? Is this some kind of weird internet chat room thing?"

  His partial apology from earlier had gone a long ways towards calming me down, but this last question reignited my anger to a white-hot living entity.

  "I saw him in…" I caught myself just barely in the nick of time, but it left me without anything convincing to say. "You know what, just forget about it. I'm being stupid, I just thought that after everything terrible that it's brought…I mean everything terrible that's happened. Never mind, just forget I said anything."

  I stood to leave, but Jackson grabbed my wrist. His grip wasn't painful, but he was so strong that I was practically handcuffed to him. He pulled me around so that I was looking at him.

  "I'm sorry, Adri, that wasn't fair of me. Everyone needs a dream."

  My stomach dropped like I'd just been thrown out of a plane without any parachute. The warning from the girl at the first away game played back inside of my head. She'd warned me that someone dangerous was close to me, but I'd always assumed it was Tristan. I'd been wrong though. Something about how Jackson said the word 'dream' told me that he knew more than he should. His voice had even gone slightly different. It had still mostly been Jackson's voice, but it had also been uncannily similar to the voice that had haunted my dreams ever since the sunflowers had been sent to our bus.

  I tried to control my breathing, tried to pretend like his statement hadn't rattled me, but I was rattled. It was all I could do to muster a response to him.

  "I don't understand what you mean. If you're implying that my dream is to still catch you then you're wrong, but either way I'm done with this conversation."

  I tried again to walk away, but he still hadn't let go of me. I debated screaming. If I made a big enough scene then I would almost certainly be guaranteed a ride home and I was probably going to be safer in a crowd than by myself, but I didn't actually know that. If Jackson really was the old man somehow then there was no telling what he was capable of and the last thing I wanted to do was get people killed.